Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Who Won?

Trying to boil down the Commander-in-Chief's Afghanistan drawdown victory retreat speech, and it's shaping up like this:

We were attacked on 9/11 and everyone was united and we went in to displace the Taliban and kill AQ. Bush sucks, Iraq. The Taliban came back because Bush sucks, so I had to go in with 30K extra corpsemens because it was the real front in the overseas contingency operation. We sent bin Laden to hell, yeah--no thanks to the Pakistanis, who are still important allies helping us end this war responsibly in victorious retreat. Now it's time to come home and nation build here in America by passing another trillion dollar stimulus.

Er, except in Libya, where we don't have a single soldier on the ground mind you, because they are behind computer terminals in safe zones targeting drones dropping hellfire missiles to exact regime change that doesn't violate the War Powers Resolution like Bush did by going to Congress.

I promised to end our wars, win or lose, because I'm not Bush. And don't worry about the Taliban coming back or AQ opening bases there and attacking us again after we're completely out by 2014 because, well, they won't. Besides, by 2014 it will be the waning years of my second term and it won't matter as much because my legacy will be about health care and immigration reform. Anyway, don't forget that Bush started the wars that I'm having to end responsibly and he used torture.

At least that's what I took from it. But I might be a tad cynical.


LASunsett said...

Who won? The teleprompter industry.

Every time Obama has one of his semi-annual teleprompter readings, I bet sales go up.

Anonymous said...

First of all, I didn’t note any cynicism at all, but I do have t say this is just too uncanny to be a coincidence. We in the blogosphere think it is time for you to come clean, AC… Are you really Obama's speechwriter?

A.C. McCloud said...

Yes, the cat's out of the bag Mustang. I am Bill Ayers.