Izzat, you idiot

Regular readers of this site know how often I've droned on about Saddam's former right hand man, the ex-VP and leader of the Revolutionary Command Council Izzat al-Douri.

My perception is that al-Douri took over the reigns for Saddam after his capture, and has been running the insurgency all along, directing the various jihadi fronts. The Coalition leaders have all but ignored him, choosing instead to focus on Zarqawi's al Qaeda in Iraq and others.

Well, al-Douri is back in the news, but admittedly not in a way I might have expected. MEMRI has released a purported phone interview with an Arab station and Saddam from his prison cell. The Butcher sounds none too happy with his former VP, threatening him with the removal of key body parts over a taped statement he sent to the Arab League summit meeting in Khartoum.

Exactly what did al-Douri say that was so horrific? Essentially the same thing Saddam said in a letter published on a Ba'athist website a few days ago, which was attributed to our Dorito-loving captive. The jist of both messages--back the insurgency or the Americans will divide and conquer Arabia.

Saddam Hussein: I call to punish 'Izzat Al-Duri, because he burned my heart.

Interviewer: Why, because he published a statement without your permission?

Saddam Hussein: He gave a speech without me knowing it. The punishment that I want for him is to cut off his tongue and ears.

First, it's interesting to note that Saddam didn't express any shock that al-Douri was still alive. The last official word was that he'd passed on to Allah due to cancer. Second, if Saddam's heart is truly burned then why announce such a thing publicly? Doing so seems to suggest Izzat is NOT his inside man anymore. So, exactly what the heck is he doing?

The most obvious conclusion would be he thinks al-Douri really is an idiot. There were indications al-Douri might have had something to do with the Golden Mosque attack, and Saddam took a negative view of this attack from the start, which he again made clear in this 'phone call':

He should beware and shut up. Why does he make speeches and exploit state funds? I left the funds under your responsibility. Billions of dollars... I left you the funds and you should use them properly. He goes and blows up mosques, markets, and schools.

It truly appears he's shocked, shocked at such senseless violence, as if the chipper/shredder days never happened.

Strangely, Saddam also babbled something that would seem to incriminate him on many counts:

I know that people who listen to me might think that Saddam Hussein has become apathetic in prison and stopped supporting terrorism. No. I'm not ashamed to tell you that Iraq, without Saddam Hussein, isn't worth two bits. Therefore, it will make me happy if Iraq turns into dust

Are we supposed to believe he threw up his hands as if to say "if you want something done right, ya gotta do it yourself"? Maybe. But the statement, if true, should remove any mystery about who invented the insurgency...Saddam planned it, organized it, set it into motion, funded it, then left al-Douri in charge after he was snatched from his spider hole. The comment about reducing Iraq to dust could also be taken a few ways, but I'll leave that speculation to others.

Certainly if we take the call at face value Saddam appears a tired old dictator coot expressing frustration that his plan isn't coming together. But that just feels too easy. We know Saddam is still a master manipulator, and rebuking al-Douri could be his way of looking heroic to the masses, in effect washing his hands of the Golden Mosque attack and projecting himself as a sympathetic uniter. A machiavellian good cop, bad cop, if you will. For all we know Al-Douri might be safely ensconsed somewhere.

But Saddam is correct about one thing--we ARE trying to split the Arab world, just not the way he thinks. There's good reason--they've just caused too damn much trouble for too long. Saddam knows that if we're successful he'll go down in history as the leader in power who allowed such a thing to happen. No doubt there's a lot on the line, and desperate men do, well, you know..

A BUNCH OF HOOEY 3/29/06

Click on the MEMRI link and you'll see the interview was a hoax. Should have known better to even consider such a thing was possible with Saddam sitting in US Custody, but stranger things have happened. While I was not entirely convinced of the veracity, I was convinced enough--and issue you this apology.

After the stories we've seen in the past seven months, surely the next one mentioning al-Douri will have him joining the circus or somesuch. Caveat emptor, as the smart people say.