After his rambling letter to the president, Ahmadinejad now appears eager to follow it with some face-time. They'd like to meet. Talk. Drink some chai. Maybe sprinkle some anthrax in Bush's Baagh Lava. Just kidding. Actually, Bush should respond to the invitation. The meeting should be held in Antarctica, since that's the only continent on earth Bush can't piss off. Plus, there are no indigenous Muslim terrorists there. But better yet, Al Gore couldn't resist crashing the event to convince them global warming was the bigger problem.
It might be funny watching the talking media heads trying to brave the sub zero winds while simultaneously doing sidebar reports on Gore standing on ice caps talking about global warming with a healthy coat of hoar frost in his hair.
As to Bush's discussion points, here they are, reading as Bush might say them:
> One, get out of Iraq. Quit backing al-Sadr, the SCIRI, and the Badr boys. Pull out the spies and stop sending ordnance. Let Iraq have their own government.
> Two, a public thank you for our removal of their arch enemy Saddam would be nice. We promise to be gracious when saying "you're welcome".
> Two-B, a public apology for taking our embassy employees hostage would be nice. We promise to be gracious when saying "apology accepted".
> Three, if you want nookular power you'll accept the light water reactors, otherwise you'll be getting a visit from Mr. Cruise no matter how much bluffing you do.
> Four, if you're hidin' al-Qaeda, expel them and fight terrorism along with us.
> Five, disband your phoney Mullahocracy and allow a real democratic vote. Let your people live free and let women attend soccer games. Your people are proud Persians and are fully capable of self-rule.
> And six, let Israel be. Give up the idea of pushing them into the sea and cut ties with the terrorists who would do it. Work with us to find a sensible place to put the Palestinians. We've already made it clear what the alternative will be.
If Bush's schedule is too booked to attend a meeting, he could choose the alternative of replying to the letter. Here's a draft version already completed and ready to go.
Stangely, as if on cue, Usama also sent us a message on Tuesday. Apparently he just wanted us to know Zacarious wasn't one of the nineteen 9/11 brothers, making it clear we shouldn't have tried to have him french fried. Maybe he's been in the caves too long, since he doesn't seem to realize that Americans generally felt he wanted us dead either way. Otherwise, the letter contained no threats, no truce offers. It was just sorta a 'hi-howdy do, just letting you know I'm still here and you're still stupid' kind of thing. Unless it was yet another coded message to start the next big attack.
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