Thursday, April 03, 2008

Presidential graveyard shift

Hillary has another 3AM phone call attack ad, this time about McCain's apparent cluelessness on the economy. The Maverick fired back--not bad, but I would have preferred something more creative.

How about:

It’s 3 am and your children are safe and asleep. But there’s a phone ringing in the White House and this time the crisis is economic. Home foreclosures mounting, markets teetering.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama just said they’d answer the phone--but it would not be the red phone since that's reserved for an international crisis. No, such a call would come in on the personal phone in the presidential bedroom where my wife and I would be sleeping. Perhaps my well-respected colleague is unfamiliar?

Now, everyone knows I'm older than dirt with more scars than Frankenstein so it's not out of the question I might be up at 3AM on my way to the bathroom with male urinary issues caused by benign prostate enlargement.

But if not I sure as hell don't want some snot-nosed policy wonk at Treasury asking informing me about the latest on front-loaded mortgages or some crap at 3AM. After all, while I might be old, I'm not dead and unlike at least one of my opponents I just might happen to be "tied up" at the time, if you know what I mean.

No my friends, as president those problems will be solved during the normal work day like most other problems.

So ask yourselves--would you rather have a competent executive solving problems during the day or one of my two esteemed colleagues scrambling around trying to answer phones about financial matters in the middle of the night? Your choice.

As for me, I'll leave the line open for that emergency call no president wants to take. You know, about God forbid some natural disaster or news that we caught that bastard bin Laden hiding out in Iran.

Thank you for listening. I approved this message because it was fun!

No comments: