But they taught the world to sing!

Ah, the temptation of strong drink. "Big Law" is gonna do something about it. Their solution is to gang up on the "Big Cola" industry (note- notice I didn't refer to them as the "Big Soda", since down south we call ALL cold drinks "co-colas". Just so you understand).

The story has Big Law attacking Big Cola for their machines in public school lunch rooms. They might actually win over a few juries with such a "protecting the children" argument (does Clinton still have his law license?), but don't be fooled. Such precedent would give legal status to the notion that cold drinks are harmful, therefore setting up many, many, more lawsuits.

Let me slap some things around here. First, Big Law already tried to sue Big Burger into bankruptcy a few years ago for contributing to the collective fatness of America, but failed. So this recent foray is just a continuation of the deep pockets theory. If the attempt fails we'll see it manifest itself somewhere else, perhaps against Big Doughnut, for example.

Second, the body mass index of children is probably more signifcantly affected by their countless hours doing what I'm doing--typing away on a computer--or watching Sponge Bob.

Third, where are the parents in this? Parents should be held accountable for the amount of devil's brew their kids purchase at school. If you don't want little Billy Bob to buy a coke, make sure he doesn't take his little rubber change purse.

It's not hard to imagine an end game--cokes being moved into special cases next to the beer and the government placing hefty "sin taxes" on each can "to discourage their use". And of course warning labels to fend off future lawsuits, in both English and Espanol.

But I have a constructive suggestion for you, Big Law. Drop the suits against Big Cola. Our school systems make good money off their drink machine contracts. No, instead go after the real evil forces found in the cafeteria....the so-called food. This would get everyone behind your cause.