The White Gene

Researchers say they've found a tiny DNA mutation that resulted in the first white person. The scientific community then engaged in their typical fantasy speculation session to explain everything.

Let me see if I can follow. One baby was born with the mutated gene and came out white. Other than the utter shock of the mother, this baby then grew up and became "a prized sexual conquest" or thereabouts, rather than a Darwinian freak to be shunned. Can the biologists out there tell us whether the first white person's sexual orientation makes a difference?

It would be an understatement to say the first little white kid wouldn't have fit in on the prehistoric playground. They must have celebrated diversity more back then, as obviously the child had to grow up and mate with a dark skinned person in order to carry on the white race. Let's see, am I missing something there?

Following the successful mating, which produced only white babies, these prehistoric WASPS began moving north, presumably because the UV rays in the tropics were giving them a nasty burn. They got really bitter being ostracized in the frozen north and retaliated by forming Mongol and Barbarian hordes that later attacked the tropical people. Somewhere in there they also developed Vodka and the wheel, unless the wheel came out of Mesopotamia. Oh my, were Adam and Eve black? Hey, this speculation stuff is fun!